not exactly sure wat i have done in my last duty ...

i just feel tat all my back muscle is intensified now ... a bit pain ... wats going on ?? .. .i have no idea at all ... cause it has not happened for sometime liao ... i can only remember the last time when i have this kind of feeling .. the next day i was sick ... hmm .. hope this can never happen to me ba ...

hope there is someone to massage for me ... well ... anyway ... no one can do tat ... i can only go to bed now ... hmm......

i have already forget when was my last time to turn out as a spare manpower when i 1st started in station ... i realise it .... cause my jacket is really stinks nowadays ... cannot be helped ma ... always turn out .. how to have the time to wash it lei .. haha ...

at tat time ... i really dun like to know i am the spare ... cause tat makes me think i am not needed again ... cause i always think tat given the chance .. i will show u all tat i can be a good leader ... i dun want jus be a admin SGT all the time ...tats why .. i forced myself to learn everything fast ... and luckily i got a freakingly good mentor .... "moonch" ... i call him freak .. cause even though he is the best SC i have seemed so far .. but he has a fucking damn bad attitude ... anyway ... finally i got the praise i looked for ... and i no longer on the spare list

however .. tat only makes my heart feel a bit better .. cause ... i think somehow .. i am still on other spare list ...even though i never complain and feel unhappy about tat ... in fact .. i used to be happy with the role in the past .... but ... somehow ... yesterday ....i dunno wats wrong with me ... something i never expect i would do happen ... i am sorry ... to make u worry ..and creat trouble for u ... sometimes ... i really hope tat u can be mean to me ... so tat i can give up hope ... or else .. i will always hope for the day u say "i can" to me one day ...

missing home ...

just watched the pic DX took last week when he went to taipei ... most of them were taken at taipei 101 ... suddenly .. i have a feeling of going back ...

i wonder is it because i start to miss home .. or i just want to find a place ... away from everything .. and settle my mind down?? i dun know ....i am not sure

imaginations came out to me ... walking at night market ...enjoying all kinds of different food.... and at the same time looking at some of the funny or weired stuffs i never c before .... stroking at the small pathes in the mountian with trees covering up the sun and flowers and butterflies crowded around me ... soaking my feet in the cooling small rivers ... feeling the fishes swimming inbetween my legs ... sitting at the beach .. watching the sunset and letting the wind blowing through my face ...wake up before the sun and watching the sun rise on the mountain top where the clouds also keep changing its shape ... lying in the hot spring .. closing my eyes ... forget all the troublesome stuffs around me ...

beautiful ... these scenes are ....but at my side ... it just seemed to be short of one person ...yea.... just short of one ... cause she only reachable in my dream ...and i was told to wake up

dun worry .. i will be fine as wat i was ... there r more important stuffs ahead of u now ....put me aside 1st ba

deadly tired...

i am tired ... not only physically .. but mentally oso ... how tired i am ... well take an example in my latest duty ... i could fall aslp while i was standing ... waw !! i believe tat my RC mus be very impressed with my new ability ... so much so he asked me to slp...

suddenly i have a feeling ... a feeling tat i am so stupid .... and sturbborn ... people have told u its the end of my dream ... and yet ... i dun want to wake up .... yet ...i want to stay in the dream forever ..... but can i ?? .... somebody just tell me if i can ??

honestly ... i still hope someone can still tell me one day tat all my dreams are actually real ... can i ??

after the thing happened today ... u should realise tat i can really stand by u forever ... and i can fulfil all the promises to u ... but .... can this change ur mind ?

i wish the time can be reversed ... there is a "undo" for everything ... but ... will the results be different at the end ?? .... or at 1st started.... i did not stand any chance at all ...??