how much am i willing to write inside my blog ?? ...

hmm .. .its indeed a good question ... well .. i dunno .. so far .. i have been true to myself ... well ... of course .. "i am the honestest guy in this world ... and the stupidest one" ... comment from my DRC ... haha ...anyway .. i c no point lying ... tats why

i think i will continue to write as true as possible .... of course ..except for some really really very very personal secrets ...

last duty .. my DRC is asking for volunteer to go for oversea mission .. fighting the forest fire in indonesia ... it really sounded attractive ... cause ... that might be my only chance in my life to fight a forest fire at such a big scale .. but .. after a clear thought ... well ... i dun want to go to a country without pork ... haha ... well actually i dun want to go ... cause i have a personal reason .... if they r not going two weeks from now ... i will defiently go

now ... reading a scientific journal ..... suddenly i feel .. its really difficult ...... i have not studied for a long time ... woo .... how regret i am now .. haha ......

its been a long time since i last posted my blog ...

hmm .... actually i am not sure of the reason why too ...

few duties ago .. i am almost charged ... why ?!!? cause of my nelegence to make sure all the equipments are according to the check list ... but ... ever since my 1st day there .... they are never according to the check list ... anyway ... count me as bad luck to be spot checked by officer

however .. its not the thing concerned me the most .. wat disurbing me is that my crews were charged ... cause of my fault .... and i just got a verbal warning ... this really makes me feel guilty ... very very guilty ......sigh ~~~ why didnt u just punish me ... that will make me feel better ....... its my failure to make sure my men check properly to lead to this mistake

luckily ... nothing happen to them after they were charged .. this made me feel better ..... besides ... i got go to watch firework tonight ... oh ... waw ~~ i have watched many times ever since last year .... hahah .. how lucky i am

Happy Birthday .... my daddy

today ... is a very special day for me oh .... cause why ??... its my father's birthday !! because .... if he was not born .... then there would not be me in this world .... so this day is actually more important than my birthday ... haha .....

anyway ... tml will be my station internal audit .... .hope ... everything will be smooth ... and good ........

the biggest joke ever ...

yesterday was "supposed" to be the day where my cousin going back to taiwan ... but she stayed till this morning .... why ??!!? cause ... cause ... she remembered her flight date wrongly .... and the funniest thing was that .. we only realised when we reached the airport .... waw ~~~

she was actually supposed to be back on 29 which was one day earlier than the day she told everyone ....

finally finished her one month holiday here ..... hope that she like my hospitality .... well ... she mus be ... with such a good and caring cousin ... haha ... looked like someone is going to vomit ... heihie ......

just heard my mum that they had accident on the high way ... well .. luckily they r alright. .. but but but !!! .... the back of our family car is not alright at all .... hmm ... look like need to spend some money on it lor ~~~

all the best ... encik moonch

today ... i am really upset ... dishearted ... cause of wat happened to my ... so call mentor encik ...

he just resigned from the work without and sign or even letting me know the reason ...i really dun understand why he must act so rushly .... so emotionally ...

he is the one of the best secion commander i have seemed so far ... and the one who had taught me the most ... taught me everything from did not even know wen turn out of incident to now ... can handle the operation caimly ..... giving me the chances to give stop messages while others didnt ...so i was able to get the real life chance to pratice and learn fast......most importantly ... he is the one who really can work well ....

but just looked wat he got in return for all his hard work ...resigned !! ... just like wat he told me ... people never appreciate hard work ...his words sounded so dishearted to me ... but till now .. i have finally realised wat he said ...

why ?? why ?? ..... why is tat people who really work hard ... never get the compliment they deserve ... ?? .... its so unfair ....

today ... i am sooooooo~~~ full

my cousin gave vy, zilan and me a buffet treat today afternoon .... waw ~~~ luckily i did not eat anything at the station in the morning ... tats helps me to eat lots more ...

one more special thing today ... was that ... my cousin actually bought ... almost 4kg of the preserved pork ..... wa w ....~~ even though i like to eat it too ... but its really my 1st time to c someone buying so many of it .... and i was actually carrying it ...

its been a few days have not talked to penny online ... very sorry ... kind of busy on my 1st day off lately ... hope everything will be back to normal soon ...hopefully

Sending patpat off

just had a feeling that i only saw patpat coming back few days and go and tonight .. i was at the airport to send her off ... waw ~~~ time is really fast

so tired ... cause i just off from me 24 hr duty and went home slp for an hr and then i had to wake up and went to airport ...

anyway .. there is one thing .. i have to mention here .. which is that ... i was not late ... haha .. its the 1st time in many months that i was not late for the gathering ... so proud of myself .. haha ...

by the way ... almost forget one thing ... patpat said i am getting more and more and more handsome lor ~~~ hahaha ....

a raining day ... today and the past few days

its one of my favorite weather ... hiehie ...

home has become a more lively place ... a place i like to stay more .. cause there r more people staying now ... however its only a temperorily .. well .. but i am satisified with it...

suddenly .. i realised that my counter is increasing graduatly ... arg ... i should said ... very very very slowly ... i still remember 1st hundread was pretty fast ... but after that ... its like a turtle ... moving upwards slowly ... well maybe ... all the people i know have read it ... so its not going to increase so fast like wat it used to be ... i think

i think i have fallen in love with blog writing ... haha ^^ ... even though someone has said tat my grammar is not good ... but ... watever .. i just like to write .. to write anything i like ... and post it without even checking it ... who cares .... cause only this will be my true self .... i am not taking any test ... why make my life so trouble some ..... someitmes .. even myself not sure of wat i am writing .. its all depended on my mood ...

but i think .... well .. my publish is getting less nowadays ... well cause i have more things to do nowadays .... like bringing my cousin around ... and most importantly kind of addicted to an online game nowadays .... haha .... like like a kid ... like to play PC game so much ....

last saturday .. we had a gathering with pat pat ... she really surprised me cause no one was expecting she to be back from austrlia after only half a year ... anyway .. its so good to c her back ... honestly she has changed alot ... but i wun say how she has changed ... hei hie .. i would not dig my own gray .. would i ?? haha

here .. i must thank ivy and zilan for bringing my cousin out while i was having my duty on sunday.... sorry to trouble u 2 .. gals .... like wat i have said ..... one day i will repay u 2 .... in watever way .... but but ... i wun repay it blindly oh ... come on ... i am defiently smart enough to make the right choice .... heihie .... one day .. hie hie ... one day

by the way ... thinking of my future ... sunddenly .. i feel like being a flight attendent now ... haha ....c how ba ... .maybe i am not high enough .... waw ~~ its first time i admit that i am not high enough ... hmm .. for a 180cm guy ... i think i should have more confidence in myself. .. haha

This afternoon .. just when i was enjoying my rare precious off day .. i got a stunning sms from my supervisior ... which said

Lo ... the commander has rejected ur drill report .. can u go back to station and change it now

how stunning it was ... not because i had to go back and do it again ... its because my report was rejected !!! ... oh ... on the way back to station .. i kept thinking wat went wrong ...and guess wat ... the answer was even more stunning to me ...

just wen i opened up the email that commander sent to me ... he said

thank you for the report ... however, its not the format i am looking for .. its too task specific .. lack of depth and width ....

arg ..... the format was given by my fellow enciks ... and its already my 2nd time submitting the report ... if its not the format u r looking for ... why did u wait for so long then mention it !! i was totally feel like being cheated ... very much hurt .. woo woo ~~~

anyway .. just feel being cheated ... i am just too innocent ...believe that the format given by others r always correct ...

just saw the message left by zilan and penny ... feel so touched ... even though penny ask me not to think too much ... but i am still very touched ... haha .... thank u guys !!!!

Its a beautiful sunday morning today

its beautiful cause i dun have any duty today ... really kind of sick of going to work nowadays .... not because of the fire calls or wat ... but because of all the paper works and politics between the people .. i am just serving my national service ... so i dun want to get myself too deep into this big big trouble

i feel ... i am not wat i used to be anymore ... the ways i think ... the ways i life .. i dunno wat have changed me ... but watever .. i am lazy to think now .. even to think of my own future ....

maybe ... 10 years down the road ... when i look back at myself .... this time .. this period will be one of the darkest moment in my life

Here Goes my Clean Report

dun know if its my luck or not ... last mid night during my duty ... i got to c dead body ... a male body on the road due to road traffic accident with lots of blood next to it ... some people went through the 2 years time without seeing anything like this ... and for me ... just the third month ... my clean record is already gone...

dunno why ... after coming back from the call .. i just dun feel well .. not because of the body .. but because of the family and friends there ... they looked so devastated cause one of their close family just left them like that ... just less than a minute time and he is gone .... i dunno wat to say ... just feel life is so unpredicable ...one minute ur friend or family might still smiling in front of u and next minute he or she is no long in this world....

friends .. treasure wat u have now ... no matter its wat u like or dun like ... cause u never now wats going to happen in the next second

today ...my never c before cousin came ...

feel so bad that i could not reach the airport in time to pick her up ... that stupid officer .... so unreason ... forced to stay there and finished all the stuffs before letting me off ... since passed up and join the current place i am in now .. i have never taken any day off .. and i always work on my off days and yet ... u just could not let me off to pick someone back from the airport .. even she is the 1st time in singapore

then why should i work like a regule when most of the regules work like NSF ....so unfair .... i am so unhappy ... they can get their offs when they need it .. and i have to wait for the vacancy ... we all r SGT ... but why is there a difference ... !!! just that they r regules and i am NSF ??!

Bridge Night

tonight ... me, t-rex, lili and vy all went to the TCC at raffles place and played bridge there ... after stopped for a long times ... it felt so good .. felt just like back to the old time ... where i still dun have the work stress and unjustice like wat i have now ....

even though ... i lost my way there and walked all the way to Lau Pa Sar .... before i realised the mistake and turn back ... haha ... this is the biggest joke ever

it just too bad that i have duty next day and could not stay there till 2am in the morning ....next week ba .. or the week after next ... hopefully it will come sooner

wat i want ??

"wat do i actually want?" this is the question i have kept asking myself lately .... really ..... nowadays .. my life is only work and work and work and then rest ....

i am thinking ... if ... i mean "if" ... (touch wood) if there is really one day ... i die at home .... there might be nobody knows about that .. untill few days later my body start to decompose ... my neighbour smell the strange smell ... then they will call SCDF for forcible entry ... then my body will finally be found .... if this is true ... how pathetic my life is ..... hahah

anyway ... i think wat i want is a person ... who really cares about me ..... who can talk to me just about anything ...(prefer a gal ... course i am obviously not a gay ... guy and guy talking daily ... this just sounds too gay) ... how i wish that one day ... when i open the door of my home ... there will be someone who is close to smile at me and say ... "hey, u r back" "oh ~~ u r early today oh" or "wat made u so late today" .....

guess i am kind of sick of staying alone .... hahaha

Dragon Boat Festival

today is the annual Dragon Boat Festival again ... this is also another festival that i used to called "rice dumplings festival" when i was small ... cause this day usually meant nothing much to me except for my favorite dumplings when i was small ... i would just keep eating it one by one once my gradmum had made it ...

talking about my favorite dumplings ... this reminds me exactly 1 year ago when i was coming back from taiwan ... "her" mum gave me lots of dumplings cause she told her mum that i like it .... time really past fast ... just less than a year ....she and me are just like strangers to each other ...sigh ~~~ i am getting emotional again ... after half year ... it will means so much to me ... i think .. getting a new gf can help me to forget ... but how to have one when i dun even have time to rest .... hahaha ~~~

anyway .. i got receive a good news today ... my grandmum finally discharged from hospital ... even though i am not sure if she is still as healthy as she used to be .... but i will pray for her ...cause ... i almost spent all my earlier years with her ....she had taken care of me for such a long time ...i will hope to have her around forever ....

today ... in chinese tradition ... family will reunion just like the lunar new year ... even though i am alone here ... but still i wish all the best to all my families ... all my friends and all the people i know ...

lost...

last night ... during my duty .. a rare call from my mum ...i knew there was something even before i picked up the call ... but never did i expect that would be such a bad news

my grandmum is in the hospital for days ....from my mum's voice .. i know she was trying to cover her saddness ...so did i ...

i just felt so lost ...a person who used to be the one who always at my side when i was small ... slp with me, brought me around, bought me toys and snacks that my parents did not allow me to have ... is just like everyone else ... start getting old ...and i cannot do anything but staying here ... cannot even go back, c her and just simply ask her if she is feeling well

how much i hope that my ORD date is just within next few days ...

GOD ... pls pls ...let her recover well and back to an energentic grandmum like the one i always have.....

disappointed ... heart pain ah ..

when i heard he said that i have not been doing any work ... my heart was once more in pain after the breaking up late last year .... how could u say this !!!

yea ... how could u say this to me ... when i was the only one doing all the work .. all the other people could c that .. and yet u just could not c it ...was it because i am quite so u never found out ... or u r too busy to notice my work ... or u just simply have pre-justice with chinese (even though i dun like people to think that i am a chinese too ... hahah)!!

i was the one who went back to work during off days .. and the one stayed after office hours ... and yet ... u r saying the other guy is working more than me ... haha thats the biggest joke ever...

i can only say ...all his work .......come from his mouth !!

maybe this is the real working world .... but i am just fulfilling my national liability ....why working my heart and soul out ...?? cause its me ...i was born like this .. wat to do ... cause i always beleive the justice will always come at the end

hopefully ....

tml ... i will have to work again

kind of tired of this kind of shift work ... 24hrs work 48hrs off sounded so good at 1st .. but now then i realised that not slping at night is actually a suffering for me ... i rather do office hr work now ...

last night .... the usual gang gathered at my home except for the poor boy, weili who was somewhere in the sea ... but we did not have steamboat as wat we had planned to have ... instead we just bought the food from down stairs ... and they said ... the food r nt nice at all ... well well ....i have nothing to say ... actually i have been missing the home cook food lately ... guess i have been eating outside food for a long time ... especially the malay food ...i think some of my friends will start to laugh at me when they see this .... well .. i got no choice ma .. unless u people want to bring the food to me to my station

emm ... think need to go to bed lor ... need to work tml .....

Wang's 2nd win ..

i was so nervous when i watch his shaky 1st inning pitch ... however credit must go to him for settling down fast and started a super pitching from 2nd inning onwards all the way to 6th inning ... through out this period none of the Seattle batter could reach 1st base ... not even the so call the "best batter in the world" Ichiro

he proved once again that he is really a world class pitcher ... but somehow .. i am not as emotional as i was during his 1st win ... maybe he was not in the home ground this time ... or just maybe i am not in good mood

Why !! Why !! Why !!

Why am i stupid enough to look at a pic that i know its going to hurt myself ...

just saw the pic of she and he ... just like a bullet went through my brain ... even though i have known who he is from her friends ...

"why did u choose him ??"

the same old question started to trouble me again .... choosing anyone else would make me feel better ... cause i dun c anything from him that is better than me ... nothing ... nothing ... just nothing at all ...

maybe ... just maybe ... she just needs someone to acompany ... and i am just not there .....

i am comforting myself again .....