New Year .... New Me .... and Us !!

just before the end of 2005 ... something finally came my way .... and its finally officially known in our group

mei ... its really like wat u said .. a long and dragging process ... however .. i never put my blame on u .. .cause i know its not an easy task to do ... and past few months could never be an easy .. care free period of time for u .....thank u for being able to accept me ...

trust me .. this time round .. i am not going to let go of my hand ... i am going to hold ur hand and grow old together with u ... even till the day when we r already two old old grandpa and grandmum ... u will still be the most precious treasure in my heart ....

陳金鋒 is back ....

陳金鋒 ... to many of u here .... it means nothing ... but to all the taiwanese ... its a name tat can never be forgotten ... cause he had made our childhood dream come true...

many years back ... when i was still in primary sch ... we thought there can never be any of taiwanese baseball play to play in MLB .. the top baseball league in the world ... and the gambling scandle happened in 1996 made me think tat its the end of taiwanese professional baseball league ...i can never watch taiwanese play baseball again

but this guy ... used his power .. speed .... and determinations ... became the 1st chinese or taiwanese to be signed by MLB team (LA Dodgers) ... it was the 1st dream he made real to all the taiwanese ... he showed all the baseball players in taiwan tat MLB is reachable ... and followed him ... many many talented players started to challenge MLB

he then used his home runs in 2001 baseball world cup to bring back the 3rd place by beating Japan and Korea with 2 home runs each in the games ... at the same time .. he brought our passions back to the baseball fields ... people started to believe tat we r the best in asia ... even though ... i think its still some ways from Japan and Korea

in 2003 .. he again used his hitting talents to bring taiwan into olympics ... by beating Korea and China in Asian qualifying game .... he did it when everyone thought tat we were no match to Korea

2004 olympics .... he once again gave us the winning hope .. by hitting a 3 run homer against Japan .... he gave us the lead for as long as 7 innings ... only saw us to lose the lead in the last 2 innings and eventually lost ... i never blame him for not hitting another homer .. cause ... he gave me the hope when i thought its impossible to score any run from the mighty Japan...

this year ... after never securing a 1st team place in Dodgers he finally decided to come back to taiwan to play CBPL .... despite the critics said he should not do tat cause his standard will drop after playing in CBPL .... but for me ... he has done enough for taiwan ... its time for him to enjoy the star status he supposed to have in taiwan and no more struggling to get the 1st place in MLB ...

besides ... i believe tat he will once again ... like wat he has done so many times before ... bring back to crowds back to the baseball parks ... and ... many many young players will follow his foot steps to challenge the top league in the world ..

Merry Chrismas ...

Cannot remember when was the last time tat we had such big group of poly friend gathering ... well .... its like something only happened years back .. however ... last night in TCC ... we did it again ... cause besides the usual old faces .. me, zilan, ivy ... long time no c faces .. kokguan, shawn, kris, poh ... and the not so close faces .. ciji, kumsiong, shihuai ... and lastly .. back from australia face .. xiu hua .... feel sad for the guy who is still in taiwan and .... the guy who got ops tat night .... think this is the good thing of having NS in CD ... cause .... most of the people dun celebrate Chrismas and Chinese New Yr ... so can get leave easily

even though its the usual thing tat we just sat in TCC .. played bridge and talked crack .... but its really a special night for me ....in certain ways .... thank u .... its really meaningful to me ....

Birthday .... An unique day

how should i describe my birthday this year le?? ,.... well .. its really a weired one .. cause i have to attend other people's bday on my bday itself ...

but .... its a special one for me ... not only having a DVD player as my present .. or watched the May Day concert on the very last min or join weiming's bday party at chalet...

mei said i am a poor bday boy...hahaha...this one i agree .... but wen mei said tat i am getting 1 yr older again.....hmm....i cant agree oh....cause i am always looked young and think young ma.....haha

tot i would be having sumting special this year...well...nothing...hahaha

honestly ...with ur company tats already better than anything le.....

thank u

down to the valley ...

think this is the only way to describe how i feel now ba..

already i am not feeling very well .. and yet ... i cannot seem to bring the happiness to the poeple i promise to ... no wonder people say dont promise something tat is too hard for urself .... well ...i am still trying hard .. believe me

think my lucky star is just now with me these few days ba... have been slping through my 24 hr duty .. but yet .. today .. i am still looked slpy ... feel lazy ... i know wat is wrong with me .. but i just cant find a way to lift myself up ...

let the past be left in the past ... look forward ... cause there r still many new things waiting for u up front .... its not for me ... cause it just pointless to make urself in such a state while u can live happily ...i know it takes time ...and i never rush u.... but stop making urself so upset ... cause i do feel ur unhappniness oso ... and i do feel the same way as u ....

waw just before i noticed it .. .its already december ... a special month for me ... cause .. my birthday is coming .. haha

2 day ago went to sentosa with ivy .. zilan .. lynn and peishan ... waw .. !! i am the only guy ... envy me ba .. .haha .. well the wather tat day was not very good ... no sun ... and there was a big big wind ...

last night was the station year end function ... which .. i was just like usual .. alone ... anyway .. i am get used to this thing ... just tat as usual when i saw people acompanied by their love ones ... my heart felt cold and sour ..... haha ... i think i should not be a boy ... so easily moved ... not referring to anyone ... just myself .... my own feelings dunno come from where .... haha

not exactly sure wat i have done in my last duty ...

i just feel tat all my back muscle is intensified now ... a bit pain ... wats going on ?? .. .i have no idea at all ... cause it has not happened for sometime liao ... i can only remember the last time when i have this kind of feeling .. the next day i was sick ... hmm .. hope this can never happen to me ba ...

hope there is someone to massage for me ... well ... anyway ... no one can do tat ... i can only go to bed now ... hmm......

i have already forget when was my last time to turn out as a spare manpower when i 1st started in station ... i realise it .... cause my jacket is really stinks nowadays ... cannot be helped ma ... always turn out .. how to have the time to wash it lei .. haha ...

at tat time ... i really dun like to know i am the spare ... cause tat makes me think i am not needed again ... cause i always think tat given the chance .. i will show u all tat i can be a good leader ... i dun want jus be a admin SGT all the time ...tats why .. i forced myself to learn everything fast ... and luckily i got a freakingly good mentor .... "moonch" ... i call him freak .. cause even though he is the best SC i have seemed so far .. but he has a fucking damn bad attitude ... anyway ... finally i got the praise i looked for ... and i no longer on the spare list

however .. tat only makes my heart feel a bit better .. cause ... i think somehow .. i am still on other spare list ...even though i never complain and feel unhappy about tat ... in fact .. i used to be happy with the role in the past .... but ... somehow ... yesterday ....i dunno wats wrong with me ... something i never expect i would do happen ... i am sorry ... to make u worry ..and creat trouble for u ... sometimes ... i really hope tat u can be mean to me ... so tat i can give up hope ... or else .. i will always hope for the day u say "i can" to me one day ...

missing home ...

just watched the pic DX took last week when he went to taipei ... most of them were taken at taipei 101 ... suddenly .. i have a feeling of going back ...

i wonder is it because i start to miss home .. or i just want to find a place ... away from everything .. and settle my mind down?? i dun know ....i am not sure

imaginations came out to me ... walking at night market ...enjoying all kinds of different food.... and at the same time looking at some of the funny or weired stuffs i never c before .... stroking at the small pathes in the mountian with trees covering up the sun and flowers and butterflies crowded around me ... soaking my feet in the cooling small rivers ... feeling the fishes swimming inbetween my legs ... sitting at the beach .. watching the sunset and letting the wind blowing through my face ...wake up before the sun and watching the sun rise on the mountain top where the clouds also keep changing its shape ... lying in the hot spring .. closing my eyes ... forget all the troublesome stuffs around me ...

beautiful ... these scenes are ....but at my side ... it just seemed to be short of one person ...yea.... just short of one ... cause she only reachable in my dream ...and i was told to wake up

dun worry .. i will be fine as wat i was ... there r more important stuffs ahead of u now ....put me aside 1st ba

deadly tired...

i am tired ... not only physically .. but mentally oso ... how tired i am ... well take an example in my latest duty ... i could fall aslp while i was standing ... waw !! i believe tat my RC mus be very impressed with my new ability ... so much so he asked me to slp...

suddenly i have a feeling ... a feeling tat i am so stupid .... and sturbborn ... people have told u its the end of my dream ... and yet ... i dun want to wake up .... yet ...i want to stay in the dream forever ..... but can i ?? .... somebody just tell me if i can ??

honestly ... i still hope someone can still tell me one day tat all my dreams are actually real ... can i ??

after the thing happened today ... u should realise tat i can really stand by u forever ... and i can fulfil all the promises to u ... but .... can this change ur mind ?

i wish the time can be reversed ... there is a "undo" for everything ... but ... will the results be different at the end ?? .... or at 1st started.... i did not stand any chance at all ...??

anger bursting ....

really cant remember when was the last time i had my anger out of control ... but this morning ... it almost crossed the boarder line ... if not because of the distraction frm few messages ... (actually ... i really have to thank u .. it just came in time... if not .. i think i would just throw everything at him)

i can only say .... well .. i do the form out of the reason tat just giving u a hand ... never did i admit its my mistake ... cause .. its so obvious i have nothing to do with it ... cause like wat i said ... i was not even at there the whole day till this morning ... and yet ... u could give me the face tat its definately my mistake ... and still can say tat u tried to contact me but i was already at hm 2 duty ago ... come on ... if u want to cheat me ... pls check my attendence 1st ... inside tat book .. i signed out at 11 lor .. and u said i went home at 930 .... come on .. r u trying to tell me tat u either dunno how to tell a lie or u dunno how to read the clock ..

anyway ... i did tat to help u ... pls dun think tat i admit its my mistake and cut of ur sarcastic commends and facial expressions ... cause u urself dun even know how to tell a logical lie or correct time !!!! ...... and most importantly its never my fault !!!! anyone with a brain can easily tell tat

take good rest ... and recover soon wor ~~

helpless ... think tats wat i am having inside my mind now

someone is getting sick .. but yet ... the simplest acompany .. i cannot ...

suddenly .. i feel the promises i have made r so .... fake .. so unreal .. cause ... cannot do anything ...

maybe its not my fault .. but i just feel so uneasy ..

worry is the only i can do now ... but ... i already promise not to liao nei ....

hai yo .... so difficult to control my feelings ....

red eye boy ...

well ... if the situation at my right eye continue to be the same by the time i wake up .... hmm .. i can have a new nick name lor ... "red eye boy" .... waw ~~!! sounds so evil ... heihei

it all started by a small small insect on the bus .... i never disturb it or something ... but i think .. it somehow ..... fell in love with my beautiful eyes .... as it could not resist the attraction ... it bang into my right eyes .... so painful ...just like a needle pinch on my eye ball ... i just could not stop my tears since tat time .......

here .. i have to said sorry to the guys who have been waiting and waiting for the update of my latest blog .... well .... sorry ... to keep u waiting ... cause .. many things have been occupying me lately .. so much ... so tat i even seldom use my computer .... hope u all can understand my difficulty and still maintain loyalty to my blog. ....

wat am i talking ...... ?!??!?!

last duty ... i finally got to experience wats like tat have a big fire ... with 7 appliance altogether ....... waw !! tats the first time ... i realise wats adreline rush .. far more excited than any of the drill ... but in return .. i seemed to sweat too much after the whole thing ... haha .. anyway ... i always sweat alot ... tat something i cant control myself

just found myself have a hardcord fan in friendster ... well .. boy .. things always seemed to be good and nice when u r not inside there ....hiehei ... given the chance .. u will get to understand .. haha ...

can i just being selfish ?? ... hmm ... arg .. this is such a difficult thing for me to do ... especially after all these years ... wait ba ..... i am always fine ...

lately ... i found i like to take the roll as ground commander... cause .. i have realised how good the feeling is when all the power is in my hands ... haha ...trust me .. tat really makes me feel different ... but all this .. i have to thank for my encik moonch for teaching me all the stuffs and always testing me on different scenerios .... because of him .. i have the confidence to command people .. ordering people with the tatics i want ...i finally realise why he siad tat i will start to like to be a ground commander..

gals .... its really so difficult to understand wat they r actually thinking ... its been really ups and downs for me lately ... trust me .. i am not always so unhappy as u c ... in fact ... i am quite happy at times ... just tat ... there r more reasons for my mood to swing nowadays ....haha ....

wats going on to me ..... ?

hmm ... i am really not very sure ....

i just know .... tat i am waiting .... waiting for a reply .... an answer ... something i think most likely i will be disappointed with ...

but ... wat to do .... me is still me .... and life still goes on ... a promise is always a promise .... tat i will always keep inside my mind ... and never break it

from now onwards ... i have decided !!!

yes !! from today onwards ... i want to slack .... not tat i dun do my work .... but anything extra ... like ... "lo, can u help me to check on this ??' " lo, do the fire report for me??" "lo, ratify this for me" .... sorry .. guys ~~ my ans will going to be "no no no !!! " ... cause i am going to learn how to be selfish .... cause i have realised no matter how fantastic my work is .... my efforts dun get appreciated ... thos old men on top need more than just one pair of glasses to c who are those sacrifise their off days ... work untill mid night to get the work done and those who did nothing at all and yet still get the same reward ... or if not better.....so why should i bother ... i want my off days .. i want to leave the station by 930am once i am off from duty ...and i want to have time to talk rubbish with other people during duty time just like everyone else ...

sorry ... old men ... i seriously think u need a new pair of glasses.....

RECOVER !!!

finally .... and hopefully ... i will get a normal pellet count tml as my blood test result ... and tat will mean i can go back to work .... wat a special day to announce my recovery ... cause exactly one year ago ... i was enlisted ...haha

cannot believe tat i have been doing this national service thing for a year already ... good .. !!! tat means my suffering is only left with one more year ...actually i quite like this kind of life saving work ... cause it gives me the chance to save people's life and property ...

this is also partly why i cant wait to be back at work ... cause staying at home for the past 2 duties .... really bored me to death !!! ...cause i was sick .. so i could not travel to anywhere ... all i could do at home were slp .. watch TV .. eat .. then slp again ... keep repeating the same routine ... i even stop playing online game ... cause it made me too bored after 1 day playing it ... i oso dunno who to chat to when i open msn ...

having this illness really made me feel 1st time in my life that i dun know wat to do with my time ...aimlessly hope that the day can pass faster ...haha ...i need to find something for myself to do .. really ...!!

Sick ... Fever .. Dengue!!!

dear all .... its been a long time since my last blog entry ... well ... i cant find any good excuse for this ...

haha ... anyway .. i have been sick lately ... having high fever for the last 3 days ... and being identified as a Dengue suspected case .... adding one more to the record breaking number Singapore has this year ....

till now .. i still dunno how the hell i get this Dengue ... regardless ... its a fact .. all i can do now is to pray hard and hope that my pellet count will be a bit higher than today ... or at least maintain at today's standard ... pls pls ... dun drop anymore... i dun want to go to hospital !!!!

how much am i willing to write inside my blog ?? ...

hmm .. .its indeed a good question ... well .. i dunno .. so far .. i have been true to myself ... well ... of course .. "i am the honestest guy in this world ... and the stupidest one" ... comment from my DRC ... haha ...anyway .. i c no point lying ... tats why

i think i will continue to write as true as possible .... of course ..except for some really really very very personal secrets ...

last duty .. my DRC is asking for volunteer to go for oversea mission .. fighting the forest fire in indonesia ... it really sounded attractive ... cause ... that might be my only chance in my life to fight a forest fire at such a big scale .. but .. after a clear thought ... well ... i dun want to go to a country without pork ... haha ... well actually i dun want to go ... cause i have a personal reason .... if they r not going two weeks from now ... i will defiently go

now ... reading a scientific journal ..... suddenly i feel .. its really difficult ...... i have not studied for a long time ... woo .... how regret i am now .. haha ......