New Year .... New Me .... and Us !!

just before the end of 2005 ... something finally came my way .... and its finally officially known in our group

mei ... its really like wat u said .. a long and dragging process ... however .. i never put my blame on u .. .cause i know its not an easy task to do ... and past few months could never be an easy .. care free period of time for u .....thank u for being able to accept me ...

trust me .. this time round .. i am not going to let go of my hand ... i am going to hold ur hand and grow old together with u ... even till the day when we r already two old old grandpa and grandmum ... u will still be the most precious treasure in my heart ....

陳金鋒 is back ....

陳金鋒 ... to many of u here .... it means nothing ... but to all the taiwanese ... its a name tat can never be forgotten ... cause he had made our childhood dream come true...

many years back ... when i was still in primary sch ... we thought there can never be any of taiwanese baseball play to play in MLB .. the top baseball league in the world ... and the gambling scandle happened in 1996 made me think tat its the end of taiwanese professional baseball league ...i can never watch taiwanese play baseball again

but this guy ... used his power .. speed .... and determinations ... became the 1st chinese or taiwanese to be signed by MLB team (LA Dodgers) ... it was the 1st dream he made real to all the taiwanese ... he showed all the baseball players in taiwan tat MLB is reachable ... and followed him ... many many talented players started to challenge MLB

he then used his home runs in 2001 baseball world cup to bring back the 3rd place by beating Japan and Korea with 2 home runs each in the games ... at the same time .. he brought our passions back to the baseball fields ... people started to believe tat we r the best in asia ... even though ... i think its still some ways from Japan and Korea

in 2003 .. he again used his hitting talents to bring taiwan into olympics ... by beating Korea and China in Asian qualifying game .... he did it when everyone thought tat we were no match to Korea

2004 olympics .... he once again gave us the winning hope .. by hitting a 3 run homer against Japan .... he gave us the lead for as long as 7 innings ... only saw us to lose the lead in the last 2 innings and eventually lost ... i never blame him for not hitting another homer .. cause ... he gave me the hope when i thought its impossible to score any run from the mighty Japan...

this year ... after never securing a 1st team place in Dodgers he finally decided to come back to taiwan to play CBPL .... despite the critics said he should not do tat cause his standard will drop after playing in CBPL .... but for me ... he has done enough for taiwan ... its time for him to enjoy the star status he supposed to have in taiwan and no more struggling to get the 1st place in MLB ...

besides ... i believe tat he will once again ... like wat he has done so many times before ... bring back to crowds back to the baseball parks ... and ... many many young players will follow his foot steps to challenge the top league in the world ..

Merry Chrismas ...

Cannot remember when was the last time tat we had such big group of poly friend gathering ... well .... its like something only happened years back .. however ... last night in TCC ... we did it again ... cause besides the usual old faces .. me, zilan, ivy ... long time no c faces .. kokguan, shawn, kris, poh ... and the not so close faces .. ciji, kumsiong, shihuai ... and lastly .. back from australia face .. xiu hua .... feel sad for the guy who is still in taiwan and .... the guy who got ops tat night .... think this is the good thing of having NS in CD ... cause .... most of the people dun celebrate Chrismas and Chinese New Yr ... so can get leave easily

even though its the usual thing tat we just sat in TCC .. played bridge and talked crack .... but its really a special night for me ....in certain ways .... thank u .... its really meaningful to me ....

Birthday .... An unique day

how should i describe my birthday this year le?? ,.... well .. its really a weired one .. cause i have to attend other people's bday on my bday itself ...

but .... its a special one for me ... not only having a DVD player as my present .. or watched the May Day concert on the very last min or join weiming's bday party at chalet...

mei said i am a poor bday boy...hahaha...this one i agree .... but wen mei said tat i am getting 1 yr older again.....hmm....i cant agree oh....cause i am always looked young and think young ma.....haha

tot i would be having sumting special this year...well...nothing...hahaha

honestly ...with ur company tats already better than anything le.....

thank u

down to the valley ...

think this is the only way to describe how i feel now ba..

already i am not feeling very well .. and yet ... i cannot seem to bring the happiness to the poeple i promise to ... no wonder people say dont promise something tat is too hard for urself .... well ...i am still trying hard .. believe me

think my lucky star is just now with me these few days ba... have been slping through my 24 hr duty .. but yet .. today .. i am still looked slpy ... feel lazy ... i know wat is wrong with me .. but i just cant find a way to lift myself up ...

let the past be left in the past ... look forward ... cause there r still many new things waiting for u up front .... its not for me ... cause it just pointless to make urself in such a state while u can live happily ...i know it takes time ...and i never rush u.... but stop making urself so upset ... cause i do feel ur unhappniness oso ... and i do feel the same way as u ....

waw just before i noticed it .. .its already december ... a special month for me ... cause .. my birthday is coming .. haha

2 day ago went to sentosa with ivy .. zilan .. lynn and peishan ... waw .. !! i am the only guy ... envy me ba .. .haha .. well the wather tat day was not very good ... no sun ... and there was a big big wind ...

last night was the station year end function ... which .. i was just like usual .. alone ... anyway .. i am get used to this thing ... just tat as usual when i saw people acompanied by their love ones ... my heart felt cold and sour ..... haha ... i think i should not be a boy ... so easily moved ... not referring to anyone ... just myself .... my own feelings dunno come from where .... haha

not exactly sure wat i have done in my last duty ...

i just feel tat all my back muscle is intensified now ... a bit pain ... wats going on ?? .. .i have no idea at all ... cause it has not happened for sometime liao ... i can only remember the last time when i have this kind of feeling .. the next day i was sick ... hmm .. hope this can never happen to me ba ...

hope there is someone to massage for me ... well ... anyway ... no one can do tat ... i can only go to bed now ... hmm......

i have already forget when was my last time to turn out as a spare manpower when i 1st started in station ... i realise it .... cause my jacket is really stinks nowadays ... cannot be helped ma ... always turn out .. how to have the time to wash it lei .. haha ...

at tat time ... i really dun like to know i am the spare ... cause tat makes me think i am not needed again ... cause i always think tat given the chance .. i will show u all tat i can be a good leader ... i dun want jus be a admin SGT all the time ...tats why .. i forced myself to learn everything fast ... and luckily i got a freakingly good mentor .... "moonch" ... i call him freak .. cause even though he is the best SC i have seemed so far .. but he has a fucking damn bad attitude ... anyway ... finally i got the praise i looked for ... and i no longer on the spare list

however .. tat only makes my heart feel a bit better .. cause ... i think somehow .. i am still on other spare list ...even though i never complain and feel unhappy about tat ... in fact .. i used to be happy with the role in the past .... but ... somehow ... yesterday ....i dunno wats wrong with me ... something i never expect i would do happen ... i am sorry ... to make u worry ..and creat trouble for u ... sometimes ... i really hope tat u can be mean to me ... so tat i can give up hope ... or else .. i will always hope for the day u say "i can" to me one day ...

missing home ...

just watched the pic DX took last week when he went to taipei ... most of them were taken at taipei 101 ... suddenly .. i have a feeling of going back ...

i wonder is it because i start to miss home .. or i just want to find a place ... away from everything .. and settle my mind down?? i dun know ....i am not sure

imaginations came out to me ... walking at night market ...enjoying all kinds of different food.... and at the same time looking at some of the funny or weired stuffs i never c before .... stroking at the small pathes in the mountian with trees covering up the sun and flowers and butterflies crowded around me ... soaking my feet in the cooling small rivers ... feeling the fishes swimming inbetween my legs ... sitting at the beach .. watching the sunset and letting the wind blowing through my face ...wake up before the sun and watching the sun rise on the mountain top where the clouds also keep changing its shape ... lying in the hot spring .. closing my eyes ... forget all the troublesome stuffs around me ...

beautiful ... these scenes are ....but at my side ... it just seemed to be short of one person ...yea.... just short of one ... cause she only reachable in my dream ...and i was told to wake up

dun worry .. i will be fine as wat i was ... there r more important stuffs ahead of u now ....put me aside 1st ba

deadly tired...

i am tired ... not only physically .. but mentally oso ... how tired i am ... well take an example in my latest duty ... i could fall aslp while i was standing ... waw !! i believe tat my RC mus be very impressed with my new ability ... so much so he asked me to slp...

suddenly i have a feeling ... a feeling tat i am so stupid .... and sturbborn ... people have told u its the end of my dream ... and yet ... i dun want to wake up .... yet ...i want to stay in the dream forever ..... but can i ?? .... somebody just tell me if i can ??

honestly ... i still hope someone can still tell me one day tat all my dreams are actually real ... can i ??

after the thing happened today ... u should realise tat i can really stand by u forever ... and i can fulfil all the promises to u ... but .... can this change ur mind ?

i wish the time can be reversed ... there is a "undo" for everything ... but ... will the results be different at the end ?? .... or at 1st started.... i did not stand any chance at all ...??

anger bursting ....

really cant remember when was the last time i had my anger out of control ... but this morning ... it almost crossed the boarder line ... if not because of the distraction frm few messages ... (actually ... i really have to thank u .. it just came in time... if not .. i think i would just throw everything at him)

i can only say .... well .. i do the form out of the reason tat just giving u a hand ... never did i admit its my mistake ... cause .. its so obvious i have nothing to do with it ... cause like wat i said ... i was not even at there the whole day till this morning ... and yet ... u could give me the face tat its definately my mistake ... and still can say tat u tried to contact me but i was already at hm 2 duty ago ... come on ... if u want to cheat me ... pls check my attendence 1st ... inside tat book .. i signed out at 11 lor .. and u said i went home at 930 .... come on .. r u trying to tell me tat u either dunno how to tell a lie or u dunno how to read the clock ..

anyway ... i did tat to help u ... pls dun think tat i admit its my mistake and cut of ur sarcastic commends and facial expressions ... cause u urself dun even know how to tell a logical lie or correct time !!!! ...... and most importantly its never my fault !!!! anyone with a brain can easily tell tat

take good rest ... and recover soon wor ~~

helpless ... think tats wat i am having inside my mind now

someone is getting sick .. but yet ... the simplest acompany .. i cannot ...

suddenly .. i feel the promises i have made r so .... fake .. so unreal .. cause ... cannot do anything ...

maybe its not my fault .. but i just feel so uneasy ..

worry is the only i can do now ... but ... i already promise not to liao nei ....

hai yo .... so difficult to control my feelings ....

red eye boy ...

well ... if the situation at my right eye continue to be the same by the time i wake up .... hmm .. i can have a new nick name lor ... "red eye boy" .... waw ~~!! sounds so evil ... heihei

it all started by a small small insect on the bus .... i never disturb it or something ... but i think .. it somehow ..... fell in love with my beautiful eyes .... as it could not resist the attraction ... it bang into my right eyes .... so painful ...just like a needle pinch on my eye ball ... i just could not stop my tears since tat time .......

here .. i have to said sorry to the guys who have been waiting and waiting for the update of my latest blog .... well .... sorry ... to keep u waiting ... cause .. many things have been occupying me lately .. so much ... so tat i even seldom use my computer .... hope u all can understand my difficulty and still maintain loyalty to my blog. ....

wat am i talking ...... ?!??!?!

last duty ... i finally got to experience wats like tat have a big fire ... with 7 appliance altogether ....... waw !! tats the first time ... i realise wats adreline rush .. far more excited than any of the drill ... but in return .. i seemed to sweat too much after the whole thing ... haha .. anyway ... i always sweat alot ... tat something i cant control myself

just found myself have a hardcord fan in friendster ... well .. boy .. things always seemed to be good and nice when u r not inside there ....hiehei ... given the chance .. u will get to understand .. haha ...

can i just being selfish ?? ... hmm ... arg .. this is such a difficult thing for me to do ... especially after all these years ... wait ba ..... i am always fine ...

lately ... i found i like to take the roll as ground commander... cause .. i have realised how good the feeling is when all the power is in my hands ... haha ...trust me .. tat really makes me feel different ... but all this .. i have to thank for my encik moonch for teaching me all the stuffs and always testing me on different scenerios .... because of him .. i have the confidence to command people .. ordering people with the tatics i want ...i finally realise why he siad tat i will start to like to be a ground commander..

gals .... its really so difficult to understand wat they r actually thinking ... its been really ups and downs for me lately ... trust me .. i am not always so unhappy as u c ... in fact ... i am quite happy at times ... just tat ... there r more reasons for my mood to swing nowadays ....haha ....

wats going on to me ..... ?

hmm ... i am really not very sure ....

i just know .... tat i am waiting .... waiting for a reply .... an answer ... something i think most likely i will be disappointed with ...

but ... wat to do .... me is still me .... and life still goes on ... a promise is always a promise .... tat i will always keep inside my mind ... and never break it

from now onwards ... i have decided !!!

yes !! from today onwards ... i want to slack .... not tat i dun do my work .... but anything extra ... like ... "lo, can u help me to check on this ??' " lo, do the fire report for me??" "lo, ratify this for me" .... sorry .. guys ~~ my ans will going to be "no no no !!! " ... cause i am going to learn how to be selfish .... cause i have realised no matter how fantastic my work is .... my efforts dun get appreciated ... thos old men on top need more than just one pair of glasses to c who are those sacrifise their off days ... work untill mid night to get the work done and those who did nothing at all and yet still get the same reward ... or if not better.....so why should i bother ... i want my off days .. i want to leave the station by 930am once i am off from duty ...and i want to have time to talk rubbish with other people during duty time just like everyone else ...

sorry ... old men ... i seriously think u need a new pair of glasses.....

RECOVER !!!

finally .... and hopefully ... i will get a normal pellet count tml as my blood test result ... and tat will mean i can go back to work .... wat a special day to announce my recovery ... cause exactly one year ago ... i was enlisted ...haha

cannot believe tat i have been doing this national service thing for a year already ... good .. !!! tat means my suffering is only left with one more year ...actually i quite like this kind of life saving work ... cause it gives me the chance to save people's life and property ...

this is also partly why i cant wait to be back at work ... cause staying at home for the past 2 duties .... really bored me to death !!! ...cause i was sick .. so i could not travel to anywhere ... all i could do at home were slp .. watch TV .. eat .. then slp again ... keep repeating the same routine ... i even stop playing online game ... cause it made me too bored after 1 day playing it ... i oso dunno who to chat to when i open msn ...

having this illness really made me feel 1st time in my life that i dun know wat to do with my time ...aimlessly hope that the day can pass faster ...haha ...i need to find something for myself to do .. really ...!!

Sick ... Fever .. Dengue!!!

dear all .... its been a long time since my last blog entry ... well ... i cant find any good excuse for this ...

haha ... anyway .. i have been sick lately ... having high fever for the last 3 days ... and being identified as a Dengue suspected case .... adding one more to the record breaking number Singapore has this year ....

till now .. i still dunno how the hell i get this Dengue ... regardless ... its a fact .. all i can do now is to pray hard and hope that my pellet count will be a bit higher than today ... or at least maintain at today's standard ... pls pls ... dun drop anymore... i dun want to go to hospital !!!!

how much am i willing to write inside my blog ?? ...

hmm .. .its indeed a good question ... well .. i dunno .. so far .. i have been true to myself ... well ... of course .. "i am the honestest guy in this world ... and the stupidest one" ... comment from my DRC ... haha ...anyway .. i c no point lying ... tats why

i think i will continue to write as true as possible .... of course ..except for some really really very very personal secrets ...

last duty .. my DRC is asking for volunteer to go for oversea mission .. fighting the forest fire in indonesia ... it really sounded attractive ... cause ... that might be my only chance in my life to fight a forest fire at such a big scale .. but .. after a clear thought ... well ... i dun want to go to a country without pork ... haha ... well actually i dun want to go ... cause i have a personal reason .... if they r not going two weeks from now ... i will defiently go

now ... reading a scientific journal ..... suddenly i feel .. its really difficult ...... i have not studied for a long time ... woo .... how regret i am now .. haha ......

its been a long time since i last posted my blog ...

hmm .... actually i am not sure of the reason why too ...

few duties ago .. i am almost charged ... why ?!!? cause of my nelegence to make sure all the equipments are according to the check list ... but ... ever since my 1st day there .... they are never according to the check list ... anyway ... count me as bad luck to be spot checked by officer

however .. its not the thing concerned me the most .. wat disurbing me is that my crews were charged ... cause of my fault .... and i just got a verbal warning ... this really makes me feel guilty ... very very guilty ......sigh ~~~ why didnt u just punish me ... that will make me feel better ....... its my failure to make sure my men check properly to lead to this mistake

luckily ... nothing happen to them after they were charged .. this made me feel better ..... besides ... i got go to watch firework tonight ... oh ... waw ~~ i have watched many times ever since last year .... hahah .. how lucky i am

Happy Birthday .... my daddy

today ... is a very special day for me oh .... cause why ??... its my father's birthday !! because .... if he was not born .... then there would not be me in this world .... so this day is actually more important than my birthday ... haha .....

anyway ... tml will be my station internal audit .... .hope ... everything will be smooth ... and good ........

the biggest joke ever ...

yesterday was "supposed" to be the day where my cousin going back to taiwan ... but she stayed till this morning .... why ??!!? cause ... cause ... she remembered her flight date wrongly .... and the funniest thing was that .. we only realised when we reached the airport .... waw ~~~

she was actually supposed to be back on 29 which was one day earlier than the day she told everyone ....

finally finished her one month holiday here ..... hope that she like my hospitality .... well ... she mus be ... with such a good and caring cousin ... haha ... looked like someone is going to vomit ... heihie ......

just heard my mum that they had accident on the high way ... well .. luckily they r alright. .. but but but !!! .... the back of our family car is not alright at all .... hmm ... look like need to spend some money on it lor ~~~

all the best ... encik moonch

today ... i am really upset ... dishearted ... cause of wat happened to my ... so call mentor encik ...

he just resigned from the work without and sign or even letting me know the reason ...i really dun understand why he must act so rushly .... so emotionally ...

he is the one of the best secion commander i have seemed so far ... and the one who had taught me the most ... taught me everything from did not even know wen turn out of incident to now ... can handle the operation caimly ..... giving me the chances to give stop messages while others didnt ...so i was able to get the real life chance to pratice and learn fast......most importantly ... he is the one who really can work well ....

but just looked wat he got in return for all his hard work ...resigned !! ... just like wat he told me ... people never appreciate hard work ...his words sounded so dishearted to me ... but till now .. i have finally realised wat he said ...

why ?? why ?? ..... why is tat people who really work hard ... never get the compliment they deserve ... ?? .... its so unfair ....

today ... i am sooooooo~~~ full

my cousin gave vy, zilan and me a buffet treat today afternoon .... waw ~~~ luckily i did not eat anything at the station in the morning ... tats helps me to eat lots more ...

one more special thing today ... was that ... my cousin actually bought ... almost 4kg of the preserved pork ..... wa w ....~~ even though i like to eat it too ... but its really my 1st time to c someone buying so many of it .... and i was actually carrying it ...

its been a few days have not talked to penny online ... very sorry ... kind of busy on my 1st day off lately ... hope everything will be back to normal soon ...hopefully

Sending patpat off

just had a feeling that i only saw patpat coming back few days and go and tonight .. i was at the airport to send her off ... waw ~~~ time is really fast

so tired ... cause i just off from me 24 hr duty and went home slp for an hr and then i had to wake up and went to airport ...

anyway .. there is one thing .. i have to mention here .. which is that ... i was not late ... haha .. its the 1st time in many months that i was not late for the gathering ... so proud of myself .. haha ...

by the way ... almost forget one thing ... patpat said i am getting more and more and more handsome lor ~~~ hahaha ....

a raining day ... today and the past few days

its one of my favorite weather ... hiehie ...

home has become a more lively place ... a place i like to stay more .. cause there r more people staying now ... however its only a temperorily .. well .. but i am satisified with it...

suddenly .. i realised that my counter is increasing graduatly ... arg ... i should said ... very very very slowly ... i still remember 1st hundread was pretty fast ... but after that ... its like a turtle ... moving upwards slowly ... well maybe ... all the people i know have read it ... so its not going to increase so fast like wat it used to be ... i think

i think i have fallen in love with blog writing ... haha ^^ ... even though someone has said tat my grammar is not good ... but ... watever .. i just like to write .. to write anything i like ... and post it without even checking it ... who cares .... cause only this will be my true self .... i am not taking any test ... why make my life so trouble some ..... someitmes .. even myself not sure of wat i am writing .. its all depended on my mood ...

but i think .... well .. my publish is getting less nowadays ... well cause i have more things to do nowadays .... like bringing my cousin around ... and most importantly kind of addicted to an online game nowadays .... haha .... like like a kid ... like to play PC game so much ....

last saturday .. we had a gathering with pat pat ... she really surprised me cause no one was expecting she to be back from austrlia after only half a year ... anyway .. its so good to c her back ... honestly she has changed alot ... but i wun say how she has changed ... hei hie .. i would not dig my own gray .. would i ?? haha

here .. i must thank ivy and zilan for bringing my cousin out while i was having my duty on sunday.... sorry to trouble u 2 .. gals .... like wat i have said ..... one day i will repay u 2 .... in watever way .... but but ... i wun repay it blindly oh ... come on ... i am defiently smart enough to make the right choice .... heihie .... one day .. hie hie ... one day

by the way ... thinking of my future ... sunddenly .. i feel like being a flight attendent now ... haha ....c how ba ... .maybe i am not high enough .... waw ~~ its first time i admit that i am not high enough ... hmm .. for a 180cm guy ... i think i should have more confidence in myself. .. haha

This afternoon .. just when i was enjoying my rare precious off day .. i got a stunning sms from my supervisior ... which said

Lo ... the commander has rejected ur drill report .. can u go back to station and change it now

how stunning it was ... not because i had to go back and do it again ... its because my report was rejected !!! ... oh ... on the way back to station .. i kept thinking wat went wrong ...and guess wat ... the answer was even more stunning to me ...

just wen i opened up the email that commander sent to me ... he said

thank you for the report ... however, its not the format i am looking for .. its too task specific .. lack of depth and width ....

arg ..... the format was given by my fellow enciks ... and its already my 2nd time submitting the report ... if its not the format u r looking for ... why did u wait for so long then mention it !! i was totally feel like being cheated ... very much hurt .. woo woo ~~~

anyway .. just feel being cheated ... i am just too innocent ...believe that the format given by others r always correct ...

just saw the message left by zilan and penny ... feel so touched ... even though penny ask me not to think too much ... but i am still very touched ... haha .... thank u guys !!!!

Its a beautiful sunday morning today

its beautiful cause i dun have any duty today ... really kind of sick of going to work nowadays .... not because of the fire calls or wat ... but because of all the paper works and politics between the people .. i am just serving my national service ... so i dun want to get myself too deep into this big big trouble

i feel ... i am not wat i used to be anymore ... the ways i think ... the ways i life .. i dunno wat have changed me ... but watever .. i am lazy to think now .. even to think of my own future ....

maybe ... 10 years down the road ... when i look back at myself .... this time .. this period will be one of the darkest moment in my life

Here Goes my Clean Report

dun know if its my luck or not ... last mid night during my duty ... i got to c dead body ... a male body on the road due to road traffic accident with lots of blood next to it ... some people went through the 2 years time without seeing anything like this ... and for me ... just the third month ... my clean record is already gone...

dunno why ... after coming back from the call .. i just dun feel well .. not because of the body .. but because of the family and friends there ... they looked so devastated cause one of their close family just left them like that ... just less than a minute time and he is gone .... i dunno wat to say ... just feel life is so unpredicable ...one minute ur friend or family might still smiling in front of u and next minute he or she is no long in this world....

friends .. treasure wat u have now ... no matter its wat u like or dun like ... cause u never now wats going to happen in the next second

today ...my never c before cousin came ...

feel so bad that i could not reach the airport in time to pick her up ... that stupid officer .... so unreason ... forced to stay there and finished all the stuffs before letting me off ... since passed up and join the current place i am in now .. i have never taken any day off .. and i always work on my off days and yet ... u just could not let me off to pick someone back from the airport .. even she is the 1st time in singapore

then why should i work like a regule when most of the regules work like NSF ....so unfair .... i am so unhappy ... they can get their offs when they need it .. and i have to wait for the vacancy ... we all r SGT ... but why is there a difference ... !!! just that they r regules and i am NSF ??!

Bridge Night

tonight ... me, t-rex, lili and vy all went to the TCC at raffles place and played bridge there ... after stopped for a long times ... it felt so good .. felt just like back to the old time ... where i still dun have the work stress and unjustice like wat i have now ....

even though ... i lost my way there and walked all the way to Lau Pa Sar .... before i realised the mistake and turn back ... haha ... this is the biggest joke ever

it just too bad that i have duty next day and could not stay there till 2am in the morning ....next week ba .. or the week after next ... hopefully it will come sooner

wat i want ??

"wat do i actually want?" this is the question i have kept asking myself lately .... really ..... nowadays .. my life is only work and work and work and then rest ....

i am thinking ... if ... i mean "if" ... (touch wood) if there is really one day ... i die at home .... there might be nobody knows about that .. untill few days later my body start to decompose ... my neighbour smell the strange smell ... then they will call SCDF for forcible entry ... then my body will finally be found .... if this is true ... how pathetic my life is ..... hahah

anyway ... i think wat i want is a person ... who really cares about me ..... who can talk to me just about anything ...(prefer a gal ... course i am obviously not a gay ... guy and guy talking daily ... this just sounds too gay) ... how i wish that one day ... when i open the door of my home ... there will be someone who is close to smile at me and say ... "hey, u r back" "oh ~~ u r early today oh" or "wat made u so late today" .....

guess i am kind of sick of staying alone .... hahaha

Dragon Boat Festival

today is the annual Dragon Boat Festival again ... this is also another festival that i used to called "rice dumplings festival" when i was small ... cause this day usually meant nothing much to me except for my favorite dumplings when i was small ... i would just keep eating it one by one once my gradmum had made it ...

talking about my favorite dumplings ... this reminds me exactly 1 year ago when i was coming back from taiwan ... "her" mum gave me lots of dumplings cause she told her mum that i like it .... time really past fast ... just less than a year ....she and me are just like strangers to each other ...sigh ~~~ i am getting emotional again ... after half year ... it will means so much to me ... i think .. getting a new gf can help me to forget ... but how to have one when i dun even have time to rest .... hahaha ~~~

anyway .. i got receive a good news today ... my grandmum finally discharged from hospital ... even though i am not sure if she is still as healthy as she used to be .... but i will pray for her ...cause ... i almost spent all my earlier years with her ....she had taken care of me for such a long time ...i will hope to have her around forever ....

today ... in chinese tradition ... family will reunion just like the lunar new year ... even though i am alone here ... but still i wish all the best to all my families ... all my friends and all the people i know ...

lost...

last night ... during my duty .. a rare call from my mum ...i knew there was something even before i picked up the call ... but never did i expect that would be such a bad news

my grandmum is in the hospital for days ....from my mum's voice .. i know she was trying to cover her saddness ...so did i ...

i just felt so lost ...a person who used to be the one who always at my side when i was small ... slp with me, brought me around, bought me toys and snacks that my parents did not allow me to have ... is just like everyone else ... start getting old ...and i cannot do anything but staying here ... cannot even go back, c her and just simply ask her if she is feeling well

how much i hope that my ORD date is just within next few days ...

GOD ... pls pls ...let her recover well and back to an energentic grandmum like the one i always have.....

disappointed ... heart pain ah ..

when i heard he said that i have not been doing any work ... my heart was once more in pain after the breaking up late last year .... how could u say this !!!

yea ... how could u say this to me ... when i was the only one doing all the work .. all the other people could c that .. and yet u just could not c it ...was it because i am quite so u never found out ... or u r too busy to notice my work ... or u just simply have pre-justice with chinese (even though i dun like people to think that i am a chinese too ... hahah)!!

i was the one who went back to work during off days .. and the one stayed after office hours ... and yet ... u r saying the other guy is working more than me ... haha thats the biggest joke ever...

i can only say ...all his work .......come from his mouth !!

maybe this is the real working world .... but i am just fulfilling my national liability ....why working my heart and soul out ...?? cause its me ...i was born like this .. wat to do ... cause i always beleive the justice will always come at the end

hopefully ....

tml ... i will have to work again

kind of tired of this kind of shift work ... 24hrs work 48hrs off sounded so good at 1st .. but now then i realised that not slping at night is actually a suffering for me ... i rather do office hr work now ...

last night .... the usual gang gathered at my home except for the poor boy, weili who was somewhere in the sea ... but we did not have steamboat as wat we had planned to have ... instead we just bought the food from down stairs ... and they said ... the food r nt nice at all ... well well ....i have nothing to say ... actually i have been missing the home cook food lately ... guess i have been eating outside food for a long time ... especially the malay food ...i think some of my friends will start to laugh at me when they see this .... well .. i got no choice ma .. unless u people want to bring the food to me to my station

emm ... think need to go to bed lor ... need to work tml .....

Wang's 2nd win ..

i was so nervous when i watch his shaky 1st inning pitch ... however credit must go to him for settling down fast and started a super pitching from 2nd inning onwards all the way to 6th inning ... through out this period none of the Seattle batter could reach 1st base ... not even the so call the "best batter in the world" Ichiro

he proved once again that he is really a world class pitcher ... but somehow .. i am not as emotional as i was during his 1st win ... maybe he was not in the home ground this time ... or just maybe i am not in good mood

Why !! Why !! Why !!

Why am i stupid enough to look at a pic that i know its going to hurt myself ...

just saw the pic of she and he ... just like a bullet went through my brain ... even though i have known who he is from her friends ...

"why did u choose him ??"

the same old question started to trouble me again .... choosing anyone else would make me feel better ... cause i dun c anything from him that is better than me ... nothing ... nothing ... just nothing at all ...

maybe ... just maybe ... she just needs someone to acompany ... and i am just not there .....

i am comforting myself again .....

strange duty day ...

my 1st duty in the fire post .. i think i have just made the record of being on duty at firepost as soon as i did my 4th duty as a new firefighter ... hahah .. i am a record holder

wat calls did i have yesterday ... emm ... due to my directives .. i cant tell too much here on the net openly ... unless u guys want to c me end up in detention barrack .... ask me in face ba .. my dear friends ...

well ... almost forget that i got my 1st rank pay already ... hahah ~~~ so much money ... ho ho ho ... now i really feel like a real Seargent now

Tiger Wang's Best Moment, His 1st Win in MLB

Bottom of 8th inning, 1 out, Beltre line a single to center, all six of Yankees infielders huddled on the mound around our taiwanese star Wang to show their appreciation of his 7+ innings of excellent pitching. It was so touching to see superstars like A-Rod, Flaherty, and Jeter hanging around Wang to show their support to him. Then it was manager Joe Torre's term to show his approval by patting on Wang's back before handing the ball to the reliever. As Wang walked off the mound towards the dugout, the capacity crowd at Yankees Stadium gave Wang a standing ovation, all 40,000+ of them. What a scene! What a moment for Taiwan! It was a touching moment indeed. I am sure I would have shed some tears if I was there watching the game in person. Who could have dreamed that such a day would dawn when a pitcher from Taiwan can outduel the best hitters in the world, including Ichiro while earning the respect of players like A-Rod, Jeter, Matsui, Johnson, and millions of fans around the world. This is the best publicity for Taiwan. Now more Americans recognize Wang's name than President Chen Shui-Ban's name. Now even the Japanese would know Wang's name because he stole the spotlight from Ichiro vs. Godzilla. Now I can be proud cause there are two Taiwanese pitchers who can pitch in the highest arena of the baseball world and getting good results at the same time. Not wasting my effort to wake up so early to watch the game during my off day.

3 duties so far

yea .. till the latest duty .. i have already done 3 duties ... but yet to attend any real fire incident yet ... haha ... dunno if i have to call myself lucky or unlucky

saw something happening to my man during the duty which also happened to me few months ago .... suddenly ...i realised that i have actually over it ... even though .. i am still thinking that ~~


u could have said "NO", but u did not

u could have resisted it, but u did not

u could have just turned around and walked away from him, but u just did not

so all the promises all these years r actually mean nothing to u

then why should i still be so stubborn to try to get back a heart that is no longer belongs to me


anyway ... like wat i have said ... its all over ....

went out with ivy,daoxian and weili last night .. the usual old good friends ... did trouble them for searching some red venga sheet which we never ever managed to find .. haah ... luckily they never complained to me ....

they r always so nice ... ahha ...

my 1st day at work ...

guess wat ... i reported at the HQ at 8 am in the morning with other rota mates and spent all the way till 5pm just to fill a 2 page forms,completed an interview and collected our personal equipments ... by the time i reached to my station ... the office hr has already over ... hahah ...thats really funny .. cause i thought i would be knowing my shift today ... but sigh ~~ at least ... i am able to be here to write my blog

finally sent the letter to patpat lor ... duno when she will receive it .... hope to hear from here soon ...hahah

went to the Fish and Co last night with my camp mates .... 2nd time in a week ... that place is simply expensive ... ahhah .. but the food is not bad ...cause i like fish ma ...

got receive the message from patpat late at night .... so touched ... hahah ..

dun really know how to spend my one week holiday ... i cant go anywhere except for staying in singapore ....sad ... sad

Finally ... Finally .. i have passed out lor !!!

HaahAhha.. Dad came to c my POC ....

but unfortunately ... i was posted to the station i dislike the most ... Sembawang .. Sigh ~~~ looked like i wun be having the relaxing time in firestation in the years to come .... never mind .... work hard ba .....just 1 and half year left anyway ....

jsut 2 more days ... it will be my Passing Out Ceremony ...

soon i will get my rank and fire badge ... even though the person who is going to put them on is my dad instead of the person i wished to be 6 months ago

lots of feelings r inside to me now .... till now then i realised that 6 months r actually a short time ... IPPT gold is actually not difficult to get ...12 pull ups is not impossible to have...jumping down from 8 floor high ... so much things that i wanted to prove to u that i can do but today its no longer matter to u

suddenly i just feel wats going to do next ... in the fire station or as an instructor....

i myself dunno ... lets c wat posting i get 1st ba .... hopefully i DUN get sembawang fire station ...... hahha ...

after almost a year ... i finally back to here

actually after my 1st blog .. never expected that i would be coming back to write anything again ... hahah

suddenly have a feeling that so much things have changed over the past one year...like HK and paul r almost no longer in contact .. patpat went to australia ... lost a good friend ...and i am also kind of lost my direction now .. duno wat to do next ... the goals in the past r no longer important to me now

maybe .. maybe just like wat she had said to me ... its pointless to look back ... i have to look forward to find my goals again ....

i am trying very hard now ...trying hard to rediscover my goals again ...